i can see clearly now the rain is gone...

So I'm coming to you live from Cappys tonight (my favourite local watering hole). There is a monsoon-like downpour in shadyside, so instead to walking the 1.2 blocks to my apartment I decided to seek warm shelter & diet coors. Also, I just washed my hair yesterday and I didn't want it to get all diana rossed out.

-Anyhow, I thought I'd give yinz a tonsils update since I went to see an ENT today and got the most unbelievable news ever. Beings that the doc checks ears & nose & throat, she said she would check more than my tonsils for good measure. Naturally, I obliged and thought what a waste. Wrong. As she was peeking into my left ear, she ask me the most odd question: do you wear ear plugs? I had to explain that, well yeah, I do wear ear plugs at the races. I used to have a fancy pair that were molded to my ears, but I lost those and last year I had to wear the dodgy little ones during some races. A few moments later doc-ie informed me that I, in fact, had an ear plug stuck in my ear. Let me just say it was not at the surface where my q-tip could poke it, this thing was IN my ear. So much so that she had use a little apparatus that I can only describe as a tiny wine corker for the ear. She twisted it in, I had some pain and thought "holy shit my ear is going to explode." Then, just like a wine cork, she pulled out an entire ear plug. Instantly it was like the angels were singing, I could hear so clearly. I feel like when I talk now I'm yelling. Here I thought that I just had my hearing damaged from not wearing ear plugs at the track all those years. The funny part is the ear plug has been in there since the Indy 500 circa '08. I remember that because I thought it was weird the only ear plugs I could find were white (they are normally rad neon colors). I remember after Dixie won and everyone jump around my right ear plug fell out, so I guess I just assumed the left did the same. It didn't. Needless to say my tonsils were prescribed medicine to try and fix them. And now I have the best hearing. We thought Chris getting a corn dog stuck in his throat at the chicago race & having to get an emergency reverse colonoscopy through-the-throat to dis-lodge it.
-So, I've been on a huge, let's get domesticated binge. I'm trying to teach myself how to cook. While I make the most amazing cupcakes in the world (sprinkles doesn't have shit on me), I - for the life of me - cannot make rice. I tried again on Sunday. I thought it was a great thing to do while watching NASCAR...they both take forever to end. Just when I was getting excited I hear what's sounds like the equivalent of a dying smoke detector from the hall. I didn't think too much of it. Until not even 10 mins later when I heard sirens outside on my building and a fire engine pulls up. Two seconds later my doorbell is ringing. Its the fire department asking me what's on fire. I told them nothing. I was just trying to cook rice. Maybe no one has ever screwed up rice that much so they blew past me and went to look for a real fire. They left 5 minutes later, no fire to put out. And I was left with no food to eat. And sans one pan that was stuck with burnt rice to the bottom.
xx
-earblivia

another one bites the dust.

much delayed aloha to 2009! Its been several months I know, but you can only blame that on two things: my ability to crack on the bb w/willie and (drum roll,please) me writing my 1st book. I'm not going to divulge much about it, but I will say that Ld had suggested the title be "international in non-refundable." Take of this what you will. So let's get to it, heaps has happened since September!
-I've moved to Pittsburgh. With moving comes leaving my fabulous (tiny) apartment in my city love and getting a new (slightly larger, I have a kitchen, porch & fireplace) apartment. Also, with new apartments come new neighbours. In Chi, all of my neighbours were so fabulous. My favourite was an emaciated lady who was always out front, watering the grass, chain smoking & drinking stella. The people in my new building, not so much. The man downstairs has a penchant for metal music. I've been to a helmet concert before so I can appreciate that someone can be into that. What I don't appreciate is his surround sound in which he plays this music on, especially at times such as 3 am. I could always go crazy & stomp on the ground for him to stop, but instead I usually swig benadryl & bury my head under the covers. This leads me to my above neighbour. I have several theories about this one...the person who lives above me is one of the following:
a) highly overweight & when they walk it sounds like the ceiling is going to implode. If this is the case, I apologize for getting on my sassy horse & bitching about them.
b) they have tourettes and enjoy sporadic outbursts of bouncing around the house like tigger with construction boots on.
c) it is a couple that has the worst, quickest, jack rabbit sex in the world. And their bed must be in the middle of their living room.
d) my personal favourite, if it is a couple, they are breaking up and the girl is throwing a temper tantrum, stomping around the apartment and slamming doors because she is heartbroken just 3 days before valentines.
Whatever the situation maybe, I was thinking of bringing them a goodie basket so I don't have to be terrified they will end up falling through my apartment. Perhaps it will be filled with cupcakes, in case they are in fact on the heavy side, benadryl, in case they do have tourettes, and vodka, so either their sex gets better and quieter or the girl can find a more reasonable way to cope with her heartbreak.
-with moving comes newfound responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Since college, if I didn't live at home I would get my laundry sent out to be done. Or until I went home for Woods comma Elle to do it. A couple of weeks ago I got the idea that I needed to be more domesticated. You'll be happy to know I've over come my fears of purchasing home furnishings, well at least small ones like coaster and picture frames. And closet organizers and porch lights. Anyway, back to the laundry. A couple Friday nights ago I did what any single gal with no set life in their new city would do: try something new. For me this was staying in doing laundry & playing coy, texting with my inappropriate, undisclosed crush. Four loads in, no flooding or major catastrophes, and a couple hopeful texts later, I was feeling pretty good with my new found domestic goddessness. That was until I got to the last load. As I do when I need extra security, and when I'm waiting for an adorable man to text back, I took my phone with me to finish the wash. Unfortunately for me I washed my bb with the duvet cover. Of course I didn't notice right away and when I did it felt like my 2nd born had drowned. He didn't dry out and I was forced to get a replacement. Thank goodness for insurance. Oh, and the crush went from hot to not. Too bad they don't give your heart insurance for crushes.
That's all I got for now...I'll be updating more frequently as things happen but until then...xx