I'm sitting in a hell of my own creation and my bb is working at a snails pace. Location: penndot on duncan rd, equivalent to most of America's BMV/DMV's. Except, like most places in Penn, this place is like a bmv on crack. I've lost my amazing Indiana license somewhere between uHaul & ikea. Sweet. I, for one, believe that the uHaul guy never gave it back to me and instead pocketed it for his underage girlfriend (I mean, let's be honest, my photo was gorgeous). This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't scheduled to fly to Indy tomorrow...and this may surprise you, but I'm not really keen on the thought of going through a 4 hour, homeland security, possible cavity search & God knows what in order to fly commercial anywhere. At any rate, I'm here now & waiting. With no iPod (I'm going back to the vintage model once/if I get back to Indy tomorrow, as my newest one was a causality of break-up, get-down week. If you want more on that pencil me in for cocktails). I'm #54 in line, which happens to be willies lucky #, so I'm hoping that's a good omen. Since nothing here can be anywhere near normal, let's sit down & note a few eye spys:
-there are 2 adorable, maniac little boys sitting in front of me. It was suggested via bbm-ing I punch one of them to ease tension. They are far too adorable (& wild) to punch, plus I could be a bit jealous the lil blue eyes named clarke, approximately 4 years old, has a batman pezz dispenser & I've got nada.
-from behind the blue photo curtain alls I can hear is "TILT YA GLASSES." Repeatedly. The lady who was getting her photo taken has reappeared and is giving a second hand account of how her glasses were causing a glare, keeping from a proper photo being taken. We got it, thanks.
-a tiny man in a wheel chair keeps speeding from one flap door to the other. He is the man of penndot. I'm giving him that title. He also has really rad hair and a sassy attitude. I hope he's the one who takes my photo.
We're on #43.
-a girl is sitting one chair away from me with the kind of crunchy curls that glisten. Not because the hair is shiny, but because the curls are molded with gel. I wonder if her hair will cause reflections in her photo? Stay tuned.
- I would like to take time to give a shout out to my outfit: a mara hoffman rope & button printed cream top, new black anlo skinnies. My face is sun kissed & I actually used mascara today (might help with batting my lashes to help my I.D. Cause) finally my lovely hair - unwashed in 3 days (the best hair day of the week!) And loose waves tamed from frizz by amazing morrocan oil. Pulled off my face by 2 twists. I figured they would want me to be as close to normal as possible :). Back to the good stuff...
-I can smell a guys orange gatorade from 2 rows back and this time I do actually want to punch him and take it.
-a couple sits directly next to me. Public manners rule #1: don't sit directly next to a stranger when there are plenty of other seats available. To top it off, the lady next to me is one who makes me lean to the left to avoid physical contact with her. I wonder if I can send her my next chiropractic bill for this imposition?
-the orange gatorade guy just got the news from the drivers test giver:"your brother didn't fail, but I'm rejecting your car. The right tail light is out. You'll have to re-schedule." What?! I bet that guy just jizzed his pants by being able to reject someone. You can tell by the smile on his face. He waits for days like this. I knew I should've stole the gatorade...he's free now to go get more.
-the dad of the cute, maniac kids just came back in (he's waiting of the baby momma) with a video camera. What in the f can he possibly be video taping in the parking lot of a penndot?! Were not talking flip video here people. Disturbing.
-Update on the close sitting neighbour couple: they are discussing their retirement plans in Florida. They are going to have a lincoln town car or an audi. And a "pimped-out honda in the garage." Do they think retired people drive pimped-out hondas? I forgot to mention they are upgrading from their junior drivers licenses. Who says there's such thing as premature planning?
Were on #50 so I need to get in the game & focus...ill follow-up with the outcome of another great pgh adventure.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
and in this moment i am happy. happy.
To know me is to love me and that includes all of me such as my dissatisfaction of clean hair days, ability to always smile regardless of the situation and my lifetime dependence of aaa. We have had a lovely affair, aaa & I. It started when I was 17 and finally got my license. 10 accidents and countless key-locked-in-the-car and running out of gas situations later and I'm a gold member. How fitting. While I've managed to curb the keys locked in the car situations (I have a spare set in each of my basic handbags) I really haven't mastered the running out of fuel situation. The most impressive is when I ran out on the expressway in chi, walked a miles then hitch hike to a gas station & had my work mates come fetch me last summer. My cell phone had run outta batt & I didn't have a charger (I now carry a charger on me at all times now, too). For this reason I would love to just sell my car and totally rely on public transit, but in a city like pittsburgh that is not remotely possible. So today, for the first time in pittsburgh & almost a whole year, I ran outta gas. Mind you, trying to explain where your located in this city is like actually finding waldo in one of those books, impossibly annoying. Once I finally was able to explain my location to the aaa operator (shot out to google maps for that), I had to think of what to do to pass the time. I have my iPod, so jack johnson storyteller was the first thing I thought to flick on. I rummaged through my kooba & found every single dissolving childs drug I could find and consumed those, topped off by a couple halls of life. Then I hit the jackpot: my beauty bag. Inside I had a lone peppermint patty nail polish bottle so I gave myself the best manicure one can master in a car that is being rocked by infuriated passing cars zipping around me as if they are the ones impositioned by me running out of gas. Imagine the audacity I have to hold someone up for 1.27345 seconds. My favourite are the people who honk as if I'm unaware that my car is stopped and just sitting here. Anyway, another fun thing to pass the time is to look in the rear view mirror and watch the traffic jam and try to spot the aaa truck. This poses 2 parts to the story: 1) if seen 2 aaa trucks so far & not one is mine. 2) imagine the horror when I look up and see that I'm holding up a funeral procession. Seriously. Icing. On. The. Cake. After I compose myself and the funeral procession had past, I looked out my front window and see a tiny white spider crawling by. Thank goodness it was on the outside, I could just turned my windshield wipers on and poof, he's gone. Then I felt bad because white ones are supposed to be the best luck, so instead of drowning him, I politely scooted him off w/the wiper. Aaa JUST pulled up! Hope he enjoys my pink gas cap! ooxx
Friday, May 1, 2009
the magical month of may
There are few things more magical than Indy in May: chicago in summer, disneyland, wearing this seasons jimmy choos for the 1st time after waiting for months...because this magical month only comes once a year, I'm dedicating the entire month to blogging about previous magical memories and once that unfold this year. Check back daily for new pics, old pics, and maybe even a little face lift for the blog. To kick off the month I decided to share a short, but sweet story...also, dolly parton was on the view this morning and it reminded me of it:
May 2002 - a girlfriend & I go to the speedway motel to pick up an adorable good friend of mine for dinner. For the life of me I can't remember where we were going, but it was probably some place we thought we could get away w/ordering cocktails with dinner at the age of 18 & 17. We were stealth, huh. Anyway, we get to the motel, hang out in the room while mister was getting ready - he's a woman in that way - and finally we were off. As we were walking out of motel and to the car we run into none other than Dolly Parton! Mystified, I just looked at her & smiled. She proceeds to look at mister and say in her ever so sweet accent "look at you honey! You got twoooo cute girls with you!" She smiled & strutted away. Just like that Dolly Parton, the epitome of gorgeous, sweet & sass, had just called us cute! Short of floating above myself right under the clouds, I was in awe. Of course, mister just stood there & stared then proceeded to the car while slowly mumbling something in his charming way. He had no clue we had just run into Dolly Parton. That could've been more mystifying to me had I not known better; this IS the guy who has a nice appreciation for women, but its also the guy whose super glued his lips together trying to decal his cell phone. All and all, it is a classic May memory. And one I'll never ever ever forget.
May 2002 - a girlfriend & I go to the speedway motel to pick up an adorable good friend of mine for dinner. For the life of me I can't remember where we were going, but it was probably some place we thought we could get away w/ordering cocktails with dinner at the age of 18 & 17. We were stealth, huh. Anyway, we get to the motel, hang out in the room while mister was getting ready - he's a woman in that way - and finally we were off. As we were walking out of motel and to the car we run into none other than Dolly Parton! Mystified, I just looked at her & smiled. She proceeds to look at mister and say in her ever so sweet accent "look at you honey! You got twoooo cute girls with you!" She smiled & strutted away. Just like that Dolly Parton, the epitome of gorgeous, sweet & sass, had just called us cute! Short of floating above myself right under the clouds, I was in awe. Of course, mister just stood there & stared then proceeded to the car while slowly mumbling something in his charming way. He had no clue we had just run into Dolly Parton. That could've been more mystifying to me had I not known better; this IS the guy who has a nice appreciation for women, but its also the guy whose super glued his lips together trying to decal his cell phone. All and all, it is a classic May memory. And one I'll never ever ever forget.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
i can see clearly now the rain is gone...
So I'm coming to you live from Cappys tonight (my favourite local watering hole). There is a monsoon-like downpour in shadyside, so instead to walking the 1.2 blocks to my apartment I decided to seek warm shelter & diet coors. Also, I just washed my hair yesterday and I didn't want it to get all diana rossed out.
-Anyhow, I thought I'd give yinz a tonsils update since I went to see an ENT today and got the most unbelievable news ever. Beings that the doc checks ears & nose & throat, she said she would check more than my tonsils for good measure. Naturally, I obliged and thought what a waste. Wrong. As she was peeking into my left ear, she ask me the most odd question: do you wear ear plugs? I had to explain that, well yeah, I do wear ear plugs at the races. I used to have a fancy pair that were molded to my ears, but I lost those and last year I had to wear the dodgy little ones during some races. A few moments later doc-ie informed me that I, in fact, had an ear plug stuck in my ear. Let me just say it was not at the surface where my q-tip could poke it, this thing was IN my ear. So much so that she had use a little apparatus that I can only describe as a tiny wine corker for the ear. She twisted it in, I had some pain and thought "holy shit my ear is going to explode." Then, just like a wine cork, she pulled out an entire ear plug. Instantly it was like the angels were singing, I could hear so clearly. I feel like when I talk now I'm yelling. Here I thought that I just had my hearing damaged from not wearing ear plugs at the track all those years. The funny part is the ear plug has been in there since the Indy 500 circa '08. I remember that because I thought it was weird the only ear plugs I could find were white (they are normally rad neon colors). I remember after Dixie won and everyone jump around my right ear plug fell out, so I guess I just assumed the left did the same. It didn't. Needless to say my tonsils were prescribed medicine to try and fix them. And now I have the best hearing. We thought Chris getting a corn dog stuck in his throat at the chicago race & having to get an emergency reverse colonoscopy through-the-throat to dis-lodge it.
-So, I've been on a huge, let's get domesticated binge. I'm trying to teach myself how to cook. While I make the most amazing cupcakes in the world (sprinkles doesn't have shit on me), I - for the life of me - cannot make rice. I tried again on Sunday. I thought it was a great thing to do while watching NASCAR...they both take forever to end. Just when I was getting excited I hear what's sounds like the equivalent of a dying smoke detector from the hall. I didn't think too much of it. Until not even 10 mins later when I heard sirens outside on my building and a fire engine pulls up. Two seconds later my doorbell is ringing. Its the fire department asking me what's on fire. I told them nothing. I was just trying to cook rice. Maybe no one has ever screwed up rice that much so they blew past me and went to look for a real fire. They left 5 minutes later, no fire to put out. And I was left with no food to eat. And sans one pan that was stuck with burnt rice to the bottom.
xx
-earblivia
-Anyhow, I thought I'd give yinz a tonsils update since I went to see an ENT today and got the most unbelievable news ever. Beings that the doc checks ears & nose & throat, she said she would check more than my tonsils for good measure. Naturally, I obliged and thought what a waste. Wrong. As she was peeking into my left ear, she ask me the most odd question: do you wear ear plugs? I had to explain that, well yeah, I do wear ear plugs at the races. I used to have a fancy pair that were molded to my ears, but I lost those and last year I had to wear the dodgy little ones during some races. A few moments later doc-ie informed me that I, in fact, had an ear plug stuck in my ear. Let me just say it was not at the surface where my q-tip could poke it, this thing was IN my ear. So much so that she had use a little apparatus that I can only describe as a tiny wine corker for the ear. She twisted it in, I had some pain and thought "holy shit my ear is going to explode." Then, just like a wine cork, she pulled out an entire ear plug. Instantly it was like the angels were singing, I could hear so clearly. I feel like when I talk now I'm yelling. Here I thought that I just had my hearing damaged from not wearing ear plugs at the track all those years. The funny part is the ear plug has been in there since the Indy 500 circa '08. I remember that because I thought it was weird the only ear plugs I could find were white (they are normally rad neon colors). I remember after Dixie won and everyone jump around my right ear plug fell out, so I guess I just assumed the left did the same. It didn't. Needless to say my tonsils were prescribed medicine to try and fix them. And now I have the best hearing. We thought Chris getting a corn dog stuck in his throat at the chicago race & having to get an emergency reverse colonoscopy through-the-throat to dis-lodge it.
-So, I've been on a huge, let's get domesticated binge. I'm trying to teach myself how to cook. While I make the most amazing cupcakes in the world (sprinkles doesn't have shit on me), I - for the life of me - cannot make rice. I tried again on Sunday. I thought it was a great thing to do while watching NASCAR...they both take forever to end. Just when I was getting excited I hear what's sounds like the equivalent of a dying smoke detector from the hall. I didn't think too much of it. Until not even 10 mins later when I heard sirens outside on my building and a fire engine pulls up. Two seconds later my doorbell is ringing. Its the fire department asking me what's on fire. I told them nothing. I was just trying to cook rice. Maybe no one has ever screwed up rice that much so they blew past me and went to look for a real fire. They left 5 minutes later, no fire to put out. And I was left with no food to eat. And sans one pan that was stuck with burnt rice to the bottom.
xx
-earblivia
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
another one bites the dust.
much delayed aloha to 2009! Its been several months I know, but you can only blame that on two things: my ability to crack on the bb w/willie and (drum roll,please) me writing my 1st book. I'm not going to divulge much about it, but I will say that Ld had suggested the title be "international in non-refundable." Take of this what you will. So let's get to it, heaps has happened since September!
-I've moved to Pittsburgh. With moving comes leaving my fabulous (tiny) apartment in my city love and getting a new (slightly larger, I have a kitchen, porch & fireplace) apartment. Also, with new apartments come new neighbours. In Chi, all of my neighbours were so fabulous. My favourite was an emaciated lady who was always out front, watering the grass, chain smoking & drinking stella. The people in my new building, not so much. The man downstairs has a penchant for metal music. I've been to a helmet concert before so I can appreciate that someone can be into that. What I don't appreciate is his surround sound in which he plays this music on, especially at times such as 3 am. I could always go crazy & stomp on the ground for him to stop, but instead I usually swig benadryl & bury my head under the covers. This leads me to my above neighbour. I have several theories about this one...the person who lives above me is one of the following:
a) highly overweight & when they walk it sounds like the ceiling is going to implode. If this is the case, I apologize for getting on my sassy horse & bitching about them.
b) they have tourettes and enjoy sporadic outbursts of bouncing around the house like tigger with construction boots on.
c) it is a couple that has the worst, quickest, jack rabbit sex in the world. And their bed must be in the middle of their living room.
d) my personal favourite, if it is a couple, they are breaking up and the girl is throwing a temper tantrum, stomping around the apartment and slamming doors because she is heartbroken just 3 days before valentines.
Whatever the situation maybe, I was thinking of bringing them a goodie basket so I don't have to be terrified they will end up falling through my apartment. Perhaps it will be filled with cupcakes, in case they are in fact on the heavy side, benadryl, in case they do have tourettes, and vodka, so either their sex gets better and quieter or the girl can find a more reasonable way to cope with her heartbreak.
-with moving comes newfound responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Since college, if I didn't live at home I would get my laundry sent out to be done. Or until I went home for Woods comma Elle to do it. A couple of weeks ago I got the idea that I needed to be more domesticated. You'll be happy to know I've over come my fears of purchasing home furnishings, well at least small ones like coaster and picture frames. And closet organizers and porch lights. Anyway, back to the laundry. A couple Friday nights ago I did what any single gal with no set life in their new city would do: try something new. For me this was staying in doing laundry & playing coy, texting with my inappropriate, undisclosed crush. Four loads in, no flooding or major catastrophes, and a couple hopeful texts later, I was feeling pretty good with my new found domestic goddessness. That was until I got to the last load. As I do when I need extra security, and when I'm waiting for an adorable man to text back, I took my phone with me to finish the wash. Unfortunately for me I washed my bb with the duvet cover. Of course I didn't notice right away and when I did it felt like my 2nd born had drowned. He didn't dry out and I was forced to get a replacement. Thank goodness for insurance. Oh, and the crush went from hot to not. Too bad they don't give your heart insurance for crushes.
That's all I got for now...I'll be updating more frequently as things happen but until then...xx
-I've moved to Pittsburgh. With moving comes leaving my fabulous (tiny) apartment in my city love and getting a new (slightly larger, I have a kitchen, porch & fireplace) apartment. Also, with new apartments come new neighbours. In Chi, all of my neighbours were so fabulous. My favourite was an emaciated lady who was always out front, watering the grass, chain smoking & drinking stella. The people in my new building, not so much. The man downstairs has a penchant for metal music. I've been to a helmet concert before so I can appreciate that someone can be into that. What I don't appreciate is his surround sound in which he plays this music on, especially at times such as 3 am. I could always go crazy & stomp on the ground for him to stop, but instead I usually swig benadryl & bury my head under the covers. This leads me to my above neighbour. I have several theories about this one...the person who lives above me is one of the following:
a) highly overweight & when they walk it sounds like the ceiling is going to implode. If this is the case, I apologize for getting on my sassy horse & bitching about them.
b) they have tourettes and enjoy sporadic outbursts of bouncing around the house like tigger with construction boots on.
c) it is a couple that has the worst, quickest, jack rabbit sex in the world. And their bed must be in the middle of their living room.
d) my personal favourite, if it is a couple, they are breaking up and the girl is throwing a temper tantrum, stomping around the apartment and slamming doors because she is heartbroken just 3 days before valentines.
Whatever the situation maybe, I was thinking of bringing them a goodie basket so I don't have to be terrified they will end up falling through my apartment. Perhaps it will be filled with cupcakes, in case they are in fact on the heavy side, benadryl, in case they do have tourettes, and vodka, so either their sex gets better and quieter or the girl can find a more reasonable way to cope with her heartbreak.
-with moving comes newfound responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Since college, if I didn't live at home I would get my laundry sent out to be done. Or until I went home for Woods comma Elle to do it. A couple of weeks ago I got the idea that I needed to be more domesticated. You'll be happy to know I've over come my fears of purchasing home furnishings, well at least small ones like coaster and picture frames. And closet organizers and porch lights. Anyway, back to the laundry. A couple Friday nights ago I did what any single gal with no set life in their new city would do: try something new. For me this was staying in doing laundry & playing coy, texting with my inappropriate, undisclosed crush. Four loads in, no flooding or major catastrophes, and a couple hopeful texts later, I was feeling pretty good with my new found domestic goddessness. That was until I got to the last load. As I do when I need extra security, and when I'm waiting for an adorable man to text back, I took my phone with me to finish the wash. Unfortunately for me I washed my bb with the duvet cover. Of course I didn't notice right away and when I did it felt like my 2nd born had drowned. He didn't dry out and I was forced to get a replacement. Thank goodness for insurance. Oh, and the crush went from hot to not. Too bad they don't give your heart insurance for crushes.
That's all I got for now...I'll be updating more frequently as things happen but until then...xx
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